What to Expect from Counseling
You may find yourself wondering, "Just what is this therapy mumbo jumbo anyway? I have friends and/or family, why do I need to go pay someone to listen to me?" The fact of the matter is that, as wonderful as friends and family may be, they tend to tell you what you want to hear. Furthermore, they have their own problems and needs that can sometimes prevent them from being available to you or that trigger you to take care of them instead of "burdening" them with your problems. With a counselor, you don't have to worry about that. A good therapist doesn't tell you what you want to hear–they tell you what you need to hear. And you don't need to worry about whether your counselor has had a bad day and needs to lean on you because we have our own people for that. Just knowing that someone hears you, understands, and doesn't need anything from you can be a huge relief.
You should also know that if you are trying to face some issues or problems that you have avoided for a long time, you can sometimes feel a bit worse before you feel better. This doesn't mean that therapy isn't working or that you've made a mistake in trying it. It just means that you are having to feel emotions that you have stuffed, which can be overwhelming. Part of a counselor's job is to help you tolerate negative feelings when you need to.
Therapy is more than just listening–it's skill building. There is only so much relief to be gained from figuring out why we are the way we are. At some point, we have to figure out how to change our behaviors, thoughts, and feelings. While schooling and experience certainly help with that, I have to be honest that part of the counseling relationship is a little bit of magic–the power of interpersonal connection and good gut instinct. In fact, most of the research suggests that neither what degree your therapist has nor what kind of therapy s/he practices seem to make much difference in treatment outcomes–all levels of education/licensure and all types of theoretical bases seem to produce moderate improvement overall.
When you boil it down, according to Jay Efram, PhD (professor of psychology at Temple University and author of Frameworks of Meaning in Psychotherapy), "therapy is neither science nor art–it's conversation. Conversation is at once the most subtle and complex of all human activities, and our most important problem-solving tool." A therapist's job is to use that conversation to help you stop going around in circles of unproductive attempts to resolve your concerns and instead reformulate your thinking so that you find better solutions. It's important that you feel a good connection with your therapist and that you trust his/her instincts. If you don't, don't be afraid to try someone else. Sometimes people just don't "click" in therapy, just as they sometimes don't in the rest of life.
You should also know that if you are trying to face some issues or problems that you have avoided for a long time, you can sometimes feel a bit worse before you feel better. This doesn't mean that therapy isn't working or that you've made a mistake in trying it. It just means that you are having to feel emotions that you have stuffed, which can be overwhelming. Part of a counselor's job is to help you tolerate negative feelings when you need to.
Therapy is more than just listening–it's skill building. There is only so much relief to be gained from figuring out why we are the way we are. At some point, we have to figure out how to change our behaviors, thoughts, and feelings. While schooling and experience certainly help with that, I have to be honest that part of the counseling relationship is a little bit of magic–the power of interpersonal connection and good gut instinct. In fact, most of the research suggests that neither what degree your therapist has nor what kind of therapy s/he practices seem to make much difference in treatment outcomes–all levels of education/licensure and all types of theoretical bases seem to produce moderate improvement overall.
When you boil it down, according to Jay Efram, PhD (professor of psychology at Temple University and author of Frameworks of Meaning in Psychotherapy), "therapy is neither science nor art–it's conversation. Conversation is at once the most subtle and complex of all human activities, and our most important problem-solving tool." A therapist's job is to use that conversation to help you stop going around in circles of unproductive attempts to resolve your concerns and instead reformulate your thinking so that you find better solutions. It's important that you feel a good connection with your therapist and that you trust his/her instincts. If you don't, don't be afraid to try someone else. Sometimes people just don't "click" in therapy, just as they sometimes don't in the rest of life.
